At the beginning of the month, I started working full time for Code Genesys. It is truly a gift from God and I am enjoying my work and the people that I work with immensely. I’m working from home, so I don’t get to see anyone on my team very often. When I do it is great. We communicate every day and that is going well. It is just not the same as being there in person. Personally, I am being stretched on all levels: intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
It is actually a great balance for me. The other day my boss gave me a project that he needed done as soon as possible. It was challenging. I became hyper-focused and mostly I ignored the emails, and chats coming at me and stayed on task. I imagine that is harder to do if you are in an office. I really do enjoy people but you drain me.
Because of my new hours, working in a place that fosters creative tension, extends so much grace, where mistakes are expected (and the expectation is to learn from them), and commitment is high, it has been pretty exhausting and I don’t want to go out. Meaning, I want to stay home and be by myself. I’ve resisted the urge to isolate. As I said the other night to a group of dear friends, I know myself. I do need to recharge by taking time to be alone, but there is also the danger of isolating from people, crawling into a hole and not wanting anyone to find me. The urge has been strong and it would be easy to justify and say to myself, “C, you are working hard, learning so much, and you need to rest.” Those things are all true but not a good reason to isolate from the people who are life giving to me and I to them.
It’s that last part that I find difficult believing that I am a life giving person. Because of the adjustment, I don’t have as much to give. During the fall I worked part time and even though it was a time of transition, there was still enough energy to feel like I could contribute to the relationships in my life. I need to remember that it is okay, that I need to give myself a break and receive from my dear friends. Here is the rub, my presence is giving of myself. I don’t say that with the “I’m God’s gift to the world,” but by humbly accepting the fact that as a person, I have value. Just as I value other people, other people value me. This is why we say, “It is SO good to see you.” It is like saying, just the fact that you are alive brings me joy. As the saying goes, “We are human beings, not human doings.”