“To manifest recovery as adult children we need to embrace where fears, misguided perceptions, and distorted thoughts have taken us. The Laundry List will offer that framework. It will help us see and explore how feelings have propelled us into isolation, how we often live as victims, not recognizing choices. We will see how our low self-esteem has us judging ourselves mercilessly, giving others the benefit of the doubt, and tolerating inappropriate behavior. This Laundry List has been with us for 30 years, and its wisdom holds strong after all these years.” Big Red Book of ACA pg xxi
Today I had the pleasure of reading this with my fellow travelers. During the reading of this paragraph and those to follow on the next three pages, I had felt like I was being disrobed. Gently the words were removing the survival traits that I needed as a child but have suffered under their heavy weight as adult. These clothes have to come off if I am going to let my True Self shine through and live the life I am meant to live. “Judging ourselves mercilessly” that was me and how appropriate that one of my fellow travelers encouragement me to use the affirmation, “I release my need to be perfect.” So, it is more accurate to say this judging of myself mercilessly still creeps in. I have had a very hard time allowing myself to make mistakes for most of my life. Maybe I would say it was alright to those around me but on the inside I was beating the crap out of myself. This is practicing self abandonment.
“…how feelings have propelled us into isolation,” especially when I feel I am not good enough.
With the help of my God and fellow travelers, I am learning how to reparent myself and give myself a break. Sharing this stuff with my fellow travelers I am trusting them with my scars as well as my wounds and in this place of honesty and trust love grows. I can not tell you how grateful I am for their love and friendship. More to come…